Short Reviews

Since I am way behind on the pitiful number of movies I have seen this year, here are some short reviews for them.

Monsters University

If I were to retitle this movie, it would be called Bland... except for because that pretty much sums up the movie.  The monster designs are fairly bland, except for quasi-villain Dean Hardscrabble.  The plot is fairly cliche, except for an honest surprise at the end.  The laughter is plain and unoffensive, except for one or two jokes that are belly-bursters.  Considering that this is a prequel to one of Pixar's best movies, I had high hopes for it.  But it was not to be.  The film isn't bad by a longshot, but you are better off watching Monsters, Inc. for a second, third, fourth, and hundredth time.  5.5 out of 10

The Heat

A formulaic buddy-cop action-comedy done right.  Both actresses knock it out of the park and breathe life into the well-known tropes that dominate this genre.  I especially appreciate that they didn't try to do too much with it:  Both are after the same bad guy, they team up, funny stuff happens, they catch the head baddie.  And I only stopped laughing for one scene (the impromptu tracheotomy scene felt like it came from a different movie and was completely unnecessary), and the movie moved along at a quick pace.  Melissa McCarthy is easily best in show, though Sandra Bullock and Michael McDonald also impress.  8.0 out of 10

This Is The End

Hilarious movie.  Its an end-of-the-world movie where the people left behind are not very nice people, and it builds all the humor around that fact.  After killing off a large chunk of people we follow the main 6 guys (James Franco, Seth Rogen, Craig Robinson, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, and Jay Baruchel all playing fictional versions of themselves) as they try to navigate the Apocalypse.  All are hilarious, with best in show honors going to Robinson.  The humor is not for everyone (very crude at some points) and can very easily offend someone who doesn't know what they are going into.  With those warnings, however, you should enjoy yourself.  8.0 out of 10

Warm Bodies

A surprisingly sweet film.  The first of two PG-13 zombie flicks, this one is the one you should see (not that other piece of shit) since it actually shows a bit of the aftermath of a zombie attack (its an actual plot point!) while still being 'safe' enough for the rating.  An undead take on Romeo and Juliet, (with a happier ending, natch) this movie features strong performances, sly humor, and a quick pace.  Analeigh Tipton gives the best performance in the movie, but Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, and Rob Corddry are also very good.  The Midnight Max review suggests that Palmer should be getting more of Kristen Stewart's roles, and I think there is some legitimacy to the statement.  Recommended.  7.0 out of 10

John Dies at the End

A weird movie that will most likely end up as a cult classic.  It follows Chase Williamson as David Wong and Rob Mayes as the titular John as all sorts of strange things start happening to them after coming into contact with 'soy sauce' - a drug that allows the user to see things that normally cannot be perceived.  The humor is so deadpan that at some points I think the jokes might be missed, but the film adapts the book rather well.  Williamson is fairly solid as the lead, with Mayes providing solid support.  Paul Giamatti is a journalist interviewing David Wong about what he went through, and while he has fun with the role, other character actors might have been better choices (although Giamatti's involvement might have been what got the movie made in the first place).  Not for everyone, but well worth checking out.  7.0 out of 10.

South Park Tourney

So, the season 8 South Park tournament starts tomorrow, and I thought I might break down the matchups and who I think should win.

Had I known about this beforehand, I would have done it for the prior seasons (I still might).  Without further ado...

Good Times with Weapons vs. Quest for Ratings:
Summaries:
Good Times with Weapons is the episode where Butters gets a ninja star in his eye while they play with weapons they bought at a trade show.  It is best remembered for its mocking of the Janet Jackson Super Bowl controversy and for the stylized animation for several parts of the boys fights.
Quest for Ratings is the episode where the boys are doing a news show and face constant cancellation for not getting good ratings, especially compared to Craig's 'Animal Close-Up with A Wide-Angle Lens.'  They win, but discover the cost of a successful show.

Who Should Win:  Good Times with Weapons for the biting commentary.  I could have done without the Butters in the dog pound section, but otherwise, it manages to mock the 'controversy' at the time while still telling a funny and engaging story.  Quest for Ratings is entertaining at stages, but is definitely one of the lesser episodes from the season, and the ending felt arbitrary.


Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset vs. You Got F'd in the A:
Summaries:
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset is the Paris Hilton episode.
You Got F'd in the A is the You Got Served episode.

Who Should Win:  Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset (by a hair).  Paris Hilton is an easy target, but the episode is more mocking those who emulate her.  It has a rather hilarious speech from Mr. Slave on how it isn't great to be a whore, plus it references The Death Camp of Tolerance (which is a better episode than both of these).  You Got F'd in the A is a nice piss-take on You Got Served, and the Butters finale is hilarious, but the episode is fairly forgettable outside of the ending.  The real tragedy is that one of these episodes is going to make the second round when they are easily the two of the weaker entries in an otherwise strong season.

Cartman's Incredible Gift vs. Up the Down Steroid:
Summaries:
Cartman's Incredible Gift is the episode where Cartman pretends to be psychic and keeps accusing the wrong people for a series of murders while Kyle tries to get the police to go after the real culprit.
Up the Down Steroid is the episode where Cartman tries to get into the Special Olympics by pretending to be retarded (thinking it will be an easy win) while Jimmy starts taking steroids for the same.

Who Should Win:  In a nail-biter, Up the Down Steroid.  Both of the main plots are funny and engaging (I particularly like the speech Kyle gives to Cartman about how he will go to Hell if he gets into the Special Olympics) with slightly more memorable moments than Cartman's Incredible Gift.  But this was a tough one to call (both are better than the last matchup - see the travesty of the seeding?)

AWESOM-O vs. Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes:
Summaries:
AWESOM-O is the episode where Cartman pretends to be a robot to get dirt on Butters, only the discover that Butters has an embarrassing tape of him.
Somethign Wall-Mart This Way Comes is the episode where Wal-Mart starts killing all the businesses in town, so the boys try to find a way to destroy it.

Who Should Win:  Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes.  AWESOM-O is amongst my personal favorite episodes, but the satire on Wal-Mart in the other episode plays to all the strengths of South Park as a show:  Biting social commentary surrounded by incredibly crude humor.  But I would be okay with either winning.  And you see how awful it is that one of these two will be out while Stupid Spoiled Whore or You Got F'd goes on?

Goobacks vs. Douche and Turd:
Summaries:
Goobacks is the episode where people from the future go back in time to get jobs, so that the money can be saved up and go to their future families.  Because they work for so cheap, the people of South Park lose their jobs, and the men decide to 'go gay' to prevent the future from happening.
Douche and Turd is the episode where, because of PETA protests, South Park Elementary must choose a new mascot and it comes down to either a Douche or a Turd.  Since Stan refuses to vote, he gets exiled from the city.

Who Should Win:  Douche and Turd, easily.  Goobacks is not without its charms ("This is way gayer than the man pile!"), but Douche and Turd cranks up the ridiculousness to insane levels and pulls humor from every single scene while mocking every character Stan interacts with.

Woodland Critter Christmas vs. The Passion of the Jew:
Summaries:
Woodland Critter Christmas is the episode told in rhyme where Stan helps some woodland critters prepare for Christmas, only to discover that he is inadvertently bringing about the birth of the Antichrist.
The Passion of the Jew is the episode about The Passion of the Christ.  Cartman starts turning confused townspeople into Nazis, Kyle wants to apologize for the Jews killing Jesus, and Stan and Kenny just want their money back.

Who Should Win:  Woodland Critter Christmas.  The Passion of the Jew is more likely to win (just for the Cartman stuff alone), but Woodland Critter Christmas comes from out of left field and slowly builds into a giant, wonderful clusterfuck of inappropriateness at its climax.  It literally has everything.  So vote for it!

The Jeffersons vs. Pre-School:
Summaries:
The Jeffersons is the episode where Michael Jackson Jefferson moves to South Park.  The police are trying to frame him, so it is up to Cartman to defend him.  Stan and Kyle just wonder why Mr. Jefferson doesn't take care of his son.
Pre-School is the episode where a former schoolmate who was wrongly sent to juvenile detention instead of the boys gets out and tries to get his revenge on them.  The boys try desperately to avoid just desserts.

Who Should Win:  Pre-School.  Both of these episodes are more story-driven than most (except for some light satire on Michael Jackson fans w/r/t the police framing him), but to me, Pre-School has the stronger laughs.  Seeing various characters in the hospital for Indian sunburns, charlie horses, and other childhood pranks is a nice surreal touch, as is people's clueless reactions to Miss Claridge's various states of distress.

There are my votes.  Feel free to tell me yours in the comments (and make sure to go vote at the website linked at the top of the page).

1992 Movie List

The Movies:

3 Ninjas

Aladdin

Alien 3

Batman Returns

Bebe's Kids

Beethoven

Bram Stoker's Dracula

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Death Becomes Her

Encino Man

Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid

Ladybugs

A League of Their Own

The Mighty Ducks

Mom and Dad Save the World

The Muppet Christmas Carol

My Cousin Vinny

Newsies

Pet Sematary II

Radio Flyer

Reservoir Dogs

Rock-A-Doodle

Sister Act

Under Siege

Unforgiven
Universal Soldier
Wayne's World


Top 5 Movies:
Batman Returns
A League of Their Own
Unforgiven (winner)
Death Becomes Her
My Cousin Vinny

Best Actress:
Whoopi Goldberg, Sister Act (winner)
Geena Davis, A League of Their Own
Lori Petty, A League of Their Own

Winona Ryder, Bram Stroker's Dracula
Meryl Streep, Death Becomes Her

Best Actor:
Michael Keaton, Batman Returns
Mike Myers, Wayne's World
Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

Clint Eastwood, Unforgiven (winner)
Joe Pesci, My Cousin Vinny

Best Supporting Actress:
Michelle Pfeiffer, Batman Returns (winner)
Kathy Najimy, Sister Act
Wendy Makkena, Sister Act
Marisa Tomei, My Cousin Vinny

Rosie O'Donnell, A League of Their Own

Best Supporting Actor:
Danny DeVito, Batman Returns
Gene Hackman, Unforgiven
Fred Gwynne, My Cousin Vinny

Michael Madsen, Reservoir Dogs (winner)
Steve Buscemi, Reservoir Dogs

1993 Movie List

The Movies:
Addams Family Values

Alive

Army of Darkness

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Beethoven's 2nd

The Beverly Hillbillies

Carnosaur

Cliffhanger

Coneheads

Cool Runnings

The Crush

Dave

Dazed and Confused

Dead Alive

Demolition Man

Dennis the Menace

Falling Down

A Far Off Place

Free Willy

The Fugitive

The Good Son

Groundhog Day

Grumpy Old Men

Hocus Pocus

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey

Hot Shots: Part Deux

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Josh and S.A.M.

Jurassic Park

Last Action Hero

Leprechaun

Look Who's Talking Now

Man's Best Friend

The Meteor Man

Mr. Nanny

Mrs. Doubtfire

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Rookie of the Year

Rudy

The Sandlot

Schindler's List

The Secret Garden

Sidekicks

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
Son-in-Law

Splitting Heirs

Super Mario Bros.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

Tombstone

Tom & Jerry: The Movie

Wayne's World 2

We're Back!: A Dinosaur Story


Top 5 Movies:
Jurassic Park (winner)
Schindler's List
Groundhog Day
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Addams Family Values

Best Actress:
Sigourney Weaver, Dave
Whoopi Goldberg, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
Christina Ricci, Addams Family Values (winner)
Bette Midler, Hocus Pocus
Alicia Silverstone, The Crush

Best Actor:
Liam Neeson, Schindler's List (winner)
Bill Murray, Groundhog Day
Jack Lemmon, Grumpy Old Men
Walter Matthau, Grumpy Old Men
Kevin Kline, Dave

Best Supporting Actress:
Minnie Driver, Groundhog Day
Joan Cusack, Addams Family Values (winner)
Anjelica Huston, Addams Family Values
Kathy Najimy, Hocus Pocus
Sarah Jessica Parker, Hocus Pocus

Best Supporting Actor:
Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park

Ralph Fiennes, Schindler's List (winner)
Meredith Burgess, Grumpy Old Men
John Candy, Cool Runnings
Val Kilmer, Tombstone

Review: V/H/S 2

It's a rare sequel that surpasses the original.  The original V/H/S was a mostly solid horror anthology film that suffered mostly from have 1 too many segments (I personally would have cut Tuesday the 17th), a weak wrap-around, and not enough explanations of what and why the hell certain events were taking place.  Its strengths were greater than its weaknesses though, and I eagerly awaited the announced sequel (originally titled S-VHS, which I wish they had kept).

As often the case with anthology films, some were better than others, but by reducing it to four segments and the wraparound (down from 5 in the original), we got more story to the segments, and a bit more time to 'world build' before shit hit the fan.

The wraparound segment (titled Tape 49) is probably the weakest of all of the tales, but it hints at a greater mythology for the series - hinting that the tapes themselves are somewhat supernatural in origin (thus explaining how so many modern-day recordings made it onto tapes).  It gets the job done, but I wish it hadn't required the characters to be straight-up stupid - they are private investigators hired to find a missing college student, yet once they get into his place they don't watch the final video he recorded on his computer.  Otherwise, I like it for the mythology building and the somewhat creepy ending.

The first segment is called Phase 1 Clinical Trials.  The setup is that a man has a new eye implanted after an auto accident.  The eye has a camera in it so that the doctors/developers of the technology can see how it works.  The rub is that the man very quickly starts seeing not-so-friendly ghosts in his apartment.  A formerly deaf woman who can now hear thanks to the same company can now hear the ghosts and tries to help him.  I won't reveal more except to say that this segment suffered from a problem the majority of the segments in the first film suffered from:  not enough understanding of why this is happening.  It's slightly more tolerable in this film (this is the only segment that has that problem), but the not-deaf girl never explains why the ghosts are there besides a vague question ('Have you ever done anything bad?").  I don't need every last detail, but the ghosts seem to have a specific bone to pick with the guy, and we never learn why.

The second segment (A Ride in the Park) has probably the single greatest 'Why are we recording this?' concept:  A guy is recording himself while riding his bike on a trail, then gets bitten by and turns into a zombie.  So we basically get a zombie movie recorded from the perspective of the zombie.  It's a novel take on the genre, and the segment goes just long enough to satisfy.  We don't know why there are zombies, but we don't need to know as it is ancillary to the main story (unlike the previous segment, where the ghosts' motivations are kind of a big deal), so the zombie's journey is the focus.  This segment also has the only moment of pure humor in the entire film, and I won't spoil it except to say that it involved a married couple.

The third segment (Safe Haven) is by far the best of the bunch, and I wish they had ended with it so that the final segment didn't suffer so much by comparison.  It involved a documentary crew going to visit a cult's headquarters on what turns out to be a very important day.  They wear hidden cameras on their persons, plus it cuts between the cult's security cameras and the actual camera used by the documentary team.  They throw so many things at this segment, and it all works and builds beautifully.  In the trailer, a section of it is shown where a room full of men all shoot themselves simultaneously while saying 'amen' and it is probably near the bottom of the list of creepy/fucked up things that happen during this part.  The only minor quibble is that some of the cuts between the hidden cameras of the documentary crew confuse you as to who we are with, but otherwise this segment kicks monstrous ass, with the best ending out of this and the original film.

The final segment (Slumber Party Alien Abduction) suffers so much from merely following Safe Haven.  It really should have been after A Ride in the Park to keep with the ever-building creepiness of the segments, but it still works well for what it is.  The title really explains the entirety of the segment, and it is recorded by a camera attached to the family dog while the slumber-partiers prank each other.  The aliens are uninspired, but the pitched panic of the teens works well (how well would you keep your head if aliens started attacking you?).  This segment will probably be called the weakest mostly because of what it follows, but I'd rate it above Phase 1 Clinical Trials.

All in all, a solid sequel that improves in almost every way over the original (although I do hope they get a female director for the third one).  Fans of horror could do worse.

My rating:  7.5 out of 10

Review: World War Z

I wanted to love this movie.

Having just read the book (which is brilliant) and being a big fan of the zombie genre in particular, I thought it would be a nice change of pace to see the 'Zombie War' unfold from beginning to somewhat-end in cinematic form.  Most just drop you into the action, without any buildup into how the world got infected, and the book overcomes this neatly and realistically.  I figured liberties would be taken with the movie, but was still hopeful of getting to see the beginning of the outbreak.  I was disappointed in that regard.

I had certain doubts about it to be sure.  The focusing on one person for the narrative instead of skipping around to different viewpoints as the outbreak spread seemed to be a misstep, as was the decision to go for a PG-13 rating.  While I think they overcame the first concern, they never really saved themselves from the second:  this is a Zombie movie that is not only bloodless, but dickless as well.

We open up on Brad Pitt and his family eating breakfast and planning a trip.  Then, ZOMBIES!  No real buildup, I don't know why they just didn't start with the car scene from the trailer, since everything before it is rushed and devoid of any emotional heft.  They escape to a ship in the middle of the ocean along with the son from a Hispanic family they briefly hid with - since this movie didn't have the balls to even show blood after a plane crash, it sure as hell isn't going to kill a child (although the rest of his family bites it) (though we don't see it, and he doesn't seem to suffer any emotional turmoil over it whatsoever, other than to hug Brad Pitt in the helicopter immediately after).  So there's that.

From then on the movie is basically the Brad Pitt show as he rushed to find the source of the outbreak and a possible cure.  This part of the movie moves along at a good pace, but frankly it just a standard action flick (only with ZOMBIES instead of some other cookie-cutter bad guy) with the occasional brief interlude of the ship.  There's some tension hinted at during a scene with his wife and a couple of soldiers on the ship, but since they don't bother to follow up on it in any way, I don't know why the even bothered with the cuts away.

I won't give away more of the plot other than to say I found the 'solution' to the outbreak to be rather trite and a huge step down from the book.

Most of the actors do a passable job, but since most aren't in but a few scenes before disappearing, this is mostly the Brad Pitt show, and he anchors the film well.  It's just that the picture isn't asking much of him.  Danielle Kertesz is a rather quiet badass that joins him in Jerusalem onward (making her probably the third largest part after Pitt and Mireille Enos - who played his wife and wasn't given much of anything to do).  I couldn't help but hope that Kertesz might make an appearance in the rumored female Expendables movie just because she seemed so much better than the little she was given to do.  Pretty much everyone else is window dressing, but at least they don't fuck up the acting.

The sets for the various locales were good, if standard.  They existed for the Zombie attacks, which weren't terrible either, if a little too overtly CGI.

Really, my biggest problem with the movie is the removal of all blood from a fucking ZOMBIE INVASION!  People are getting bit and eaten and I doubt more than a few drops of blood are shown throughout the movie.  And understand that someone's hand gets chopped off to prevent the infection.  No blood whatsoever.  It's frankly ridiculous, and it cuts the narrative stakes down to their knees because how in the hell is anyone important going to die when they barely show the Random Faceless suffering?  There are other problems with the movie (hint:  if you hang around Brad Pitt and aren't 'mostly' white, prepare to not last long), but frankly, it lost me fairly early when it didn't show any of the results of what such a violent invasion would actually cause.

Rating:  4.5 out of 10.

1994 Movie List

The Movies:

3 Ninjas Kick Back

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Airheads

Angels in the Outfield

Beverly Hills Cop 3

Blank Check

Blankman

Corrina, Corrina

D2: The Mighty Ducks

Double Dragon

Dumb and Dumber

The Flintstones

Forrest Gump

In the Army Now

Interview with the Vampire

The Jungle Book

Leon: The Professional

Little Giants

The Little Rascals

The Lion King

Major League II

The Mask

Miracle on 34th Street

Natural Born Killers
North

The Pagemaster

Rapa Nui

Richie Rich

The Santa Clause

Serial Mom

The Shawshank Redemption

Speed

Street Fighter

True Lies

Wes Craven's New Nightmare

(Numbers are box office rank for the year)

Top 5 Movies:
The Lion King
Interview with the Vampire
Natural Born Killers
The Shawshank Redemption
The Professional (winner)

Best Actress:
Juliette Lewis, Natural Born Killers
Natalie Portman, The Professional
Heather Langenkamp, New Nightmare
Mara Wilson, Miracle on 34th Street
Kathleen Turner, Serial Mom (winner)

Best Actor:
Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump
Brad Pitt, Interview with the Vampire
Woody Harrelson, Natural Born Killers (winner)
Tim Robbins, The Shawshank Redemption
Jean Reno, The Professional

Best Supporting Actress:
Sally Field, Forrest Gump
Robin Wright, Forrest Gump
Cameron Diaz, The Mask
Kirsten Dunst, Interview with the Vampire (winner)
Mink Stole, Serial Mom

Best Supporting Actor:
Gary Sinise, Forrest Gump
Jeremy Irons, The Lion King
Tom Cruise, Interview with the Vampire
Rodney Dangerfield, Natural Born Killers
Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption (winner)