Who I'd Save: Resident Evil

When I decided to make Resident Evil the next series for Who I'd Save, I had only ever given a repeat watch to the original movie.  I had seen Apocalypse, Afterlife, and Final Chapter before, but not since their original theatrical releases.  So I thought it would be fun to rewatch all of those, plus finally see the two I had missed (Extinction and Retribution).

What I was not prepared for was how convoluted the storyline was (exacerbated, I'm sure, by watching all of them on consecutive days) and how creatively they bring back cast members who had previously died.  Sometimes without explanation.  So this might get a follow-up post where I talk about all of the movies and what did and did not work, and I am going to go ahead and say that no clones will make this list.

Resident Evil: Ms. Black

We'll start off with a more novel choice: Opening scene character Ms. Black (changed to Ella Fontaine in the novelization).  She seems smart and no-nonsense, and actress Indra Ové spins gold from the little she is given - This is a character that, if they had decided to spend more on them, it wouldn't have bothered me.  Alas, she doesn't survive past the cold open, but I'd find a way to get her out of The Hive if I could.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse: Nicholai

It was between Nicholai and Terri for this honor, but Nicholai won out due to being played by Farkus himself, Zack Ward.  Nicholai is more than willing to team up with other survivors and even ends up dying trying to protect Angela.  Plus, surviving the apocalyptic wasteland in Extinction would have been much easier with another trained soldier.

Resident Evil: Extinction: Carlos

I mean, who else could it be?  The closest thing to a love interest that Alice gets throughout the series, plus it's Oded Fehr, who I will always have a soft spot for due to The Mummy.  It's such a bummer that he is able to get the antidote in Apocalypse, only to be bitten by fucking LJ (Mike Epps) - who decided to hide the fact he was infected - a movie later.  At least he goes out in a blaze of glory.

Resident Evil: Afterlife: Crystal

I think a major reason I would save Crystal before any of the others in this movie is because her death feels like such bullshit.  Granted, not everyone can go out in a blaze of glory, but give her a better one!  So she gets saved for that reason.

Resident Evil: Retribution: Luther

I really liked this character, and actor Boris Kodjoe also.  And he gets so close to escaping at the end of this one, but then Evil Clone Rain (Michelle Rodriguez) has to fuck it all up.  And really, he was sacrificed because they didn't want to kill Leon (Johann Urb) since he is important in the games - but guys, he is only in this movie, you can kill him and keep Luther!  Granted, the start of the next film makes you wonder about all of the survivors of this one, but I can easily head-canon their survival.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter: Cobalt

Honestly, none of the new characters really made much of an impression in this one.  Before deciding on Cobalt (who proves to be fairly brave and a bit badass), I considered the emaciated woman (Siobhan Hodgson) that gets killed just before being rescued by Alice or Abigail (Ruby Rose).  I even considered Doc (Eoin Macken) just for the shits and giggles of it.  But, in a movie filled to the brim with red shirts, I decided to go with the one that would be the most interesting to get more of.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City: Lisa

I am making an assumption with this one - we get no visual confirmation of her death, but with all of Raccoon City being destroyed, it feels like a safe one.  Mostly, this poor woman is who I'd save because of the hell she's been through, while still saving Claire and Leon. 

Alright, that covers this film series - next up will be the Scream franchise, maybe - what should I do after that?

Who I'd Save: Friday the 13th

If a horror movie is worth a damn, you inevitably have victims that you wish would have survived.  Maybe you connected with the character in some way, maybe they were sympathetic, maybe you just think the death they received was gratuitous or especially horrible.  Hell, maybe you just think they are attractive and hope for an appearance in the sequel.  Whatever the reason: you want them to survive, but they didn't.  So I thought it might be fun to go through several of the franchises I own and pick out who I would save.  And what better to start with then the most prolific of the horror movie franchises (give or take Hellraiser)?  So, without further ado, here is the character I would save from each of the twelve Friday the 13th films.

Friday the 13th: Brenda

This was a hard one: there are at least three that I would spare from their fates:  Annie, who was just excited to cook for and work with kids and Bill, who just seemed like a solid guy, were the other two I considered.  But for me, Brenda strikes me as the most unfair of the kills in the first movie.  Mrs. Voorhees is punishing the counselors for not protecting Jason, but she kills Brenda who runs out into a storm (in her nightgown!) when she hears a child crying for help?  If anything, Brenda should have been deliberately spared - it's not like the camp was going to open with the five other murders that had already occurred.  Brenda deserved better!  Also: how often is a non-nerd character shown just reading for fun in a horror movie?

Friday the 13th Part II: Vickie

This one was fairly easy: Vickie is a sweetheart and the gusto with which she pursues Mark (pictured above with her) is probably the most relatable subplot from amongst the doomed counselors.  She at least gets to last the longest of those left behind.

As an aside, I think most people would pick Mark since it kind of sucks to be stuck in a wheelchair with a murderer stalking about, but I kind of appreciate the chutzpah of killing him - given the period in which the film was made, it feels slightly taboo, particularly with how graphic it is compared to the other deaths.

Friday the 13th Part III: Vera

Vera gets the shit end of the stick.  The first of the main group to get killed (though Shelly is the first to encounter Jason, he lives long enough to die in front of Chili), she's an add-on brought along to potentially hook up with Shelly.  Even then, when she very kindly turns him down, he still calls her a bitch.  She's even trying to get some of Shelly's stuff that fell into the lake out when Jason comes along and kills her.  Vera deserved better.

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter: Mrs. Jarvis

Another character done dirty.  Mrs. Jarvis lives on the lake with her two children - why does Jason suddenly go after them?  Is it because of the teens next door?  That isn't her fault!  Plus, it sucks that our final two - Trish and Tommy Jarvis - are orphans at the end of the movie.  Plus, she doesn't even get an onscreen death or even an acknowledgement of it during the movie.

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning: George

I was tempted to go with Joey, if only because preventing his death would have saved the entire cast, but that feels a bit like cheating.  Instead, I'll go with George, the grandfather of Reggie who seems like such an odd kill.  Granted, almost all of Roy's kills don't make sense (Vic, the one who kills Joey, is ironically one of the few survivors of Roy's rampage), but for all appearances, George was very kind and helpful to all of the troubled kids, so killing him seems more like increasing the body count than out of any real motivation for Roy.

Honorable mention to Vinnie and Pete, who I have as a gay couple in my head-canon.  They were just passing by, no reason to murder them.

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives: Lizabeth

This one was an easy call: Lizbeth saw Jason standing there threateningly, and was very quick to say 'Let's GTFO' - if only her companion, Darren, had heeded her advice.  Instead, they both bite the dust.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood: Melissa

An odd choice, to be sure, but we stan an unapologetic bitch.  Melissa wears it like a mark of honor, and even has one of the most honest reactions to someone telling her about Jason - thinking it is a crazy story.  Granted, he is very real, but can you blame her for not believing Tina or Nick?

Honorable mention on this one goes to Eddie - a victim of Melissa's machinations.  But that has more to due with nerd sympathy than anything else.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan: Colleen

There were several victims I would spare in this film, but Colleen tops the list:  The kind teacher to final girl Rennie, Colleen doesn't even get the dignity of dying by Jason's hand - instead dying in a car explosion after Rennie hallucinates a kid Jason in the middle of the road and crashes their vehicle.

Honorable mention to Eva, whose death always seemed especially brutal to me (I think it had to do with how Jason threw her to the ground after strangling her) or J.J. who just wanted to play her guitar.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday: Vicki

The second Vicki on our list!  She's much more of a badass though - when the Robert-possessed Jason starts murdering everyone at the diner, she quickly busts out a shotgun and also impales him with a metal rod.  Not bad for a non-final girl!  She also is just an all-around helpful person, and it sucks when she gets killed.

Jason X: Sergeant Brodski

Guy sacrifices himself to stop Jason and save the remaining people from the Grendel.  Just an all-around badass, and one of the few characters to have a normal name.

Freddy vs. Jason: Linderman

This has more to do with the actor - Chris Marquette - being on Joan of Arcadia, than anything to do with the character.  I guess there is some nerd solidarity in there, but most of my sympathy belongs to Mark.  However, Mark is a Freddy victim, not a Jason one, so Linderman gets the tiebreaker.

Friday the 13th (2009 Remake): Jenna

Given the fact that most of the characters suck in the remake (a product of the tendency in the late aughts to make all of the victims assholes), Jenna is pretty much a no-brainer.  While Chewie and Lawrence aren't too awful, they also don't do anything to help Clay find his sister, so Jenna gets the save.  Her death was honestly shocking to me when I first watched the film, so losing that fake-out is a bit of a bummer, but again, I'd like the non-crappy character to live.

And that covers all of the films!  What series should I do next?